i'm gonna have my passing out parade in 4 days. i'm so overwhelmed with emotions. i dont know what awaits me after BMT, which unit i get posted to, the kind of people i will get to meet.

Feelings about BMT:

i think that i've learn to become much more independent already. That's definitely a harvest. BMT wasnt exactly that good for me, especially for the first few weeks. It was hell. imagine getting stressed up over every single thing (i think i have more strands of gray hair now), getting flustered when things go wrong and fucking get punished. it's not about the punishment part, but it sucks when a sergeant dont fucking put himself in my shoes or recognise the fact that everyone is different. it's just like studies and everything else, not everyone is good in that particular aspect. it takes time.

JUST because the previous batch wasn't as bad as this does not mean that all future batches will continue to be, i mean even if u lose ur passion to lead, that's ur problem, if u can't make ur passion to lead exceed what u gonna expect of the worst from recruits, then u suck thumb la. i'm not saying that you shouldnt punish them or whatever. but u are damn MR SARCASTIC can.

If i could replay time back, i would definitely give my best in BMT. i mean after now that i've become more aware of my surroundings.

it wasnt easy for me to adapt to army life. it could be cultural shock like what someone said and i dont deny it.

i can say that since young i was often spoonfed, i always relied on my parents, i didnt even had the guts to ask for directions at the customer service counters. As a result, i didnt had exposure to the outside world and i faced many diffculties in the intial phase.

im so glad that i almost made through BMT, since there's 4 more days to POP. it may be easy to many, but not for me. Range and fieldcamp was the worst throughout my BMT. i've really got to thank my platoon and section mates for helping me in one way or another. appreciate all the things that has been done. (things like getting my water bottle filled, taking charge of the bunk while i was reporting sick or away, helping me with my LBV and smart 4, waking me up early knowing that my movements are slow, carrying my fieldpack and setting up the basha when i fell out during sitest and in fieldcamp.)

Army life was a whole new lot of experience for me, at times when im blur in school, i get laughed at, at the very most for being "cute". i didnt undergo what i did in army, perhaps im more academically inclined, i mean i didnt face that much diffculties in studying. neither did i had problems with my socialising with people.

To speak the truth, i felt very lonely in army, especially when my section mates talk about games, manga and when they play chess. i always didnt had common topics with them. All i did whenever i had free time was either to text people or listen to my chinese songs on my ipod. i didnt open up much although i still talk. i know im boring when im in bunk. That's probably because i'm with people that i'm not close with. i dont smile, i can be very quiet. but that's me. im definitely not that boring if you know me well enough.

As a matter of fact, im supposed to be the section outing i/c. No1 mentions anything about this, or even getting a gift for our section commander. It's like being the bunk i/c in name, i have no absolute control or power. it's just another round of hi-bye friends i guess.
i've learn alot of things in army.

1)the cruelties and reality of life
2)how selfish people can be, even i am.
3)how some sergeants really care, just like how the teachers in SR were.
4)alot about human nature.

Basically that's about it. it could be psychological but i feel that i've grown up and that i didnt waste my time in BMT.